| Jon and Me |
[May. 9th, 2004|04:18 pm] |
"how long do you want to wait?" he smiled while we were lying in bed together.
"How long do I want to wait for what?"
"You know, to get married." He smiled at me and brushed my hair out of my eyes.
Suddenly, I couldnt breathe. I couldn't see. I couldn't speak.
Did he just say what I thought he said? Couldnt be. Crazy.
"Are you serious?" I asked.
"Yes... why?" He looked puzzled, but smiled at me.
"I... I don't know. Why do you want to marry me?"
"Because I love you." And that was all he said.
And that was all I needed to hear. |
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| Ugh |
[Apr. 2nd, 2004|08:53 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sad | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Elliott Smith - Waltz #1 | ] |
I was reading back through my old live journals. God i was a dumb girl. It makes me sick to my stomach about all of it. I was so... angry. I don't know what about anymore. It makes me sad to think about it. It makes me want to reach back and tell that pathetic little girl that it will all be okay. And that if you're nice to people, their much more likely to be nice and embrace you. Maybe I didn't want that though. Who knows anymore. Who was that girl anyway? |
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| THE ORTS FIRST SHOW! |
[Apr. 2nd, 2004|08:45 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  exhausted | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Lack of Color - Death Cab For Cutie | ] |
So, our first show was last night, and it was rad. Even though I was nervous as hell, everyone said we did really good! Which rocks. Plus, Maddie (Aaron's sister) took pics and Molly videotaped. Pretty pimp. I cant wait to play another show! it's gonna be rad! |
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| Paul |
[Mar. 28th, 2004|09:42 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drunk | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Mad World - Gary Jules | ] |
I haven't talked to Paul in a while now, though I've been trying to call him like everyday. I started to get the hint, but I didnt give up. So Friday, I called and called and called, and finally, he answered the phone. And I wish he hadnt. I was half drunk and he was in a very disagreeable mood, which I only made worse. He told me he didn't know if he wanted to be my friend anymore. He's right, I don't think I would be my friend. I have been a really horrible friend to Paul, and I feel like shit about it. I am kind of drunk right now and I'm almost in tears about the whole thing. I understand though. I think I might be his Karlyn Wunder. And though none of you know who that is, if you did I'm sure you'd agree with me. So, I think I may just leave him alone. Its really hard thinking about not having Paul around ever again, but maybe its the best for him. I feel really bad about the whole thing, and realize I was a fair-weather friend, which is the exact type of thing I hate. God I'm an asshole. |
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| Ort Ort Ort |
[Mar. 1st, 2004|07:37 pm] |
Why cant we find a bass player? I think this is Gods way of punishing me for not going to church or being a good catholic girl.
Dear God,
I promise that I will go to church if you bless us with a rad bass player who is too good for us, but doesnt know it. A bass player who comes up with kickass basslines and likes our music so much that he pays the full price to have it made into a full length beautiful CD. Oh yeah, and let him have a job, a bus, and be goodlooking, to draw more chicks to the shows.
PS. Please ignore the fact that I have my fingers crossed. |
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| Lovin' In My Baby's Eyes |
[Feb. 2nd, 2004|12:09 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  peaceful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Lovin In My Baby's Eyes - Taj Mahal | ] |
I have a phenomenal life. |
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| A for AWESOME |
[Jan. 11th, 2004|02:30 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | exhausted | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Strange - The Doors | ] |
I am all puckered out. It has been a busy day. I woke up at 11:50 (only because Jon crawled out of bed first), watched Trading Spaces with Merrie (Jon's ma) and proceded to take the bus home to get the keys that i forgot so that i could bail my car out of the snow. Luckily, my mom offered to give me a ride back. I was SUPPOSED to have band practice at 5 but Nick had to work late so we are doing it tomorrow. Then i played some chess with Jonathan, helped Jon and Merrie dig out her car (okay okay so i WATCHED them dig it out.... I PUT THE SHOVELS AWAY!) and then we went over to Christine's house (Aaron's girlfriend) and got our asses whooped at Super Mario 3. Me and Jon SUCK at Super Mario 3... hardcore suckage.
So then we all headed down to the Montage, where i proceded to eat WAY too much. However, I DID get the MOST kickass aluminum foil creation ever. it was a big A. it was like a foot and a half tall. It is presently in my fridge, and i am dreaming of eating its delicious contents tomorrow for breakfast. We also went and saw the Last Samurai (so-so.... i went in with REALLY low expectations, so it wasnt as bad as i thought it would be)
Anyway, i'm exhausted... so i am going to sleepy-sleep. |
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| Snowed In |
[Jan. 8th, 2004|09:28 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | chipper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Please Do Not Go - Violent Femmes | ] |
So, I love the snow.... if for no other reason than it gave me an excuse to hang out with Jon for three days. Yep thats right. I got snowed in at Jon's house (family and all) for three days. I wish I was still there. Plus: I got PAYED (thats right, moolah, dinero, big bucks) for 3 (yep count it.. 1 2 3) snow days at work. Paid to play in the snow and jump in the sac with my hottie boyfriend for 3 days straight. LIFE IS GREAT.
In other news: I'm getting rid of my car.... well sort of. My parents are gonna take it for my sister. This is PUUUUUURRRFECT because that means i will have 400 extra buck a month, which means i can: move out AND save to go for a month in London. YAAAAY!
Also, The Orts are finally getting off the ground. Just last week we came up with 3 more changes, 2 endings and i am in the process of writing two more songs. Everything is coming together as planned. RAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway... Tylor: Sorry I didnt get your call on New Years.... I REALLY WISH I HAD. i didnt drink one fucking drop of alcohol. I wanted to die. So did Jon. Anyway, here's to a MUCH more eventful New Years Eve NEXT year. I'm moving out before then so I'll try to have a big ass partay! anyway, call me or I'll call you. |
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| ??????????Questions???????????? |
[Dec. 30th, 2003|10:48 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  curious | ] |
Who wrote that last comment? Why didnt you say who you are? What is it supposed to mean? |
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| And the rain is fine with me |
[Dec. 7th, 2003|03:04 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Free - The Martinis | ] |
I am in love with the most perfect boy in the whole world. I dont ever wanna be without him. I wanna hold his hand forever. And every morning that I wake up alone, i reach for him in half sleep dreams. and the best part.... i think he may be in love with me too. and he smiles at me like the sun. and even though we've just begun, he tells me he loves me like no other. and i love him like no other. and hes the nicest boy in the whole world. and he tells me he'd do anything he could just so that i'll never cry and so i will never frown and i dont think i will. and the rain is fine with me. |
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| Bored |
[Sep. 14th, 2003|08:42 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  lethargic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Pink Floyd - The Wall | ] |
What the hell am I doing up at 8:45 in the morning? Well Schuyler went fishing, and James went on a bike ride, so I am here in the apartment by myself, bored as hell, and trying to get lyrics together for band practice at 12:30. And instead of course I am online reading journals. I'm being very productive. ha.
I got back from Canada and Seattle a few days ago and am enjoying my vacation (if somewhat extended by shitty ass lenscrafters and their ass puppet ways) immensely. at least now I can sleep late and go camping like we wanted to. Anyway, I guess I should start compiling songs. |
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| Expect the Unexpected |
[Aug. 5th, 2003|08:43 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  horny | ] |
Right now I am over at James apartment, waiting for him to get out of the bathtub so that I can clean my glasses off because they are filthy. Last night we watched Punch Drunk Love ( really good) and ate cheese (gouda, treviso and something else I cant remember) and delicious crackers. I also had this really good wine he bought me at Whole Foods. it was nice. By the way, to those who are curious, James and I are together now (yay) as of August 3. anyway, I have to go clean my glasses. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 18th, 2003|06:52 pm] |
Everything was going fine
Yes today seemed quite alright
But now I feel as though the whole world
may just come crashing down tonight
And I need something I cant say
And all you do is walk away
I walk a step and you take two back
Am I something you need to keep at bay
but when you need a friend
and its two in the morning
who else do you call but me
and I always come running
Well I thought i'd be alright
And yes I can handle all of this just fine
But here I am, melting down again
I'm so dull underneath your shine
I call you up and get no answer
I say this is something I wont stand for
But tomorrow, I'll make believe your sorrow
And say 'It's not so hard to handle'
and when you need a friend
and its two in the morning
who else do you call but me
and I always come running
well i should get it through my head
but its to thick to take it in
and i wish that you would do something bad
its so much easier to hate
than to tolerate
and when you need a friend
and its two in the morning
who else do you call but me
and i always come running |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 18th, 2003|06:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | lonely | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Kings of Convenience - I Dont Know What I Can Save You From | ] |
I am a weak person.
i realized this as of... a long time ago, but have been unwilling to admit this to the masses until now. But here I am and I am weak. I need... and I feel like that is not okay. I feel like needing is a handicap.
Sometimes I feel like I need so badly and I dont know how to tell anyone and I cant breathe and I cant move and everything anyone says makes me cry. No one knows this, because I dont talk about it. But its always there. Its stronger than anything else, this feeling of need. I want to be strong. But its so hard. I need. |
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| Happy Fucking 4th of July |
[Jul. 4th, 2003|09:09 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | crushed | ] |
So, happy independence day, you patriotic peices of shit.
Today, I found out my really good friend Travis, a marine who was sent to Iraq, died Wednesday. He was doing a mine sweep, and was killed in an explosion.
I hope all you assholes who support this war/occupation BULLSHIT rot in hell. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 27th, 2003|10:13 pm] |
|
Well i guess its easy for people to give you advice when they're on the outside in. but its a harder pill to swallow when you know where you've been, and where you wish you could be right now. and its getting easier the longer i fight the wind. its not so cold now, its not as cold as its been. but i |
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| Easier Said Than Done |
[Apr. 10th, 2003|02:49 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Amelie | ] |
Have you ever wanted something so bad
Your heart feels like it might up and implode
Well mines been caved in for sometime now
But its sinking far into some newfound hole
And it'd be better if I'd never come
Yeah it'd be better if I'd stayed home
But it's all easier said than done
Harder than all the hardship known
I should've stayed in the city
Stayed in those places familiar to me
Stayed where I was always busy
Where I didn't have chances to think of these things
And I'm aching all over from the inside out
And I'm breaking me back building this dam
Between me and everyone else |
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| Vapor |
[Apr. 7th, 2003|10:51 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | relaxed | ] |
Right now I'm in Canada, in the art school library, waiting for Paul and Adam to get out of class and come find me. We are all going out to lunch. Yum. I'm starved.
I've been here for 4 days so far, and it's been so fun. Yesterday I hung out with Adam and his sister Tam and Tam's friend Rick. We all went to Chinatown and ate 93 cent pizza and got soaked in the rain. Then Rick and Tam went to hang out and Adam and I went over to his house and watched movies and drank tea and listened to music while we painted our nails. I could of stayed there forever.
I'm thinking I may move up here for college if I can get a working VISA. It would be nice to get out of Portland for a while, even just a year and live somewhere out of the States, and at least in Vancouver they dont hate Americans too much. Plus I have so much fun with Adam and Paul. I never want to go home. I'm not thinking about that now though.
Oh I am so hungry.
Its good being up here though. I feel as though I am in another world. As if everyone in Portland has dissappeared forever into some giant void and I've been thrown into some new world where I am different. I've had a lot of time to think here as well. Its good.
I havent talked to anyone from Portland except my 'rents and Tylor. And y'know... I don't really have an urge to... Is that rude? perhaps. somehow though, I am out of time here, out of the reel of life/movie that I live in Portland. And hey, no one has called me either. maybe I've just dissappeared and no one has noticed. and maybe i could stay here forever. and maybe that would be okay. Maybe that would be good. |
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| Only Boy In The World |
[Apr. 7th, 2003|10:41 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | listless | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Modest Mouse - Talking Shit About a Pretty Sunset | ] |
And its so easy when you're skinny
And its so easy when you're pretty
And its not easy for me
No its not easy for me
Sometimes I like to pretend
That I always get what I want in the end
But its not easy for me
No its not easy for me
And I'm so tired of all these games
And I want you so bad and I cant say your name
Without giving it away
Yeah I always give it away
And its so easy when you're smart
And its so easy when you don't think with your heart
But I was never good in school
Oh I am such a fool for you
And I wanna be your girl
Yeah and you're the only boy in the world
And I wanna be your girl
But I give it all away for reasons I cant put my finger on
And I'm so tired of all these games
And I want you so bad and I cant say your name
Without giving it away
Yeah I always give it away |
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| There is no 'Getting Your Groove On" at the Library |
[Mar. 10th, 2003|12:28 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | cranky | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Pinback - Play That Song Again and Go to Hell When You Die | ] |
Alright, so i havent updated in a while, but i've been busy... okay not really, i just dont have the internet or anything interesting to write about. but i do now. like the fact that jeff, colette's boyfriend, is a total prick and that i feel better because i told him so in front of everyone at the hotcake house. or that i cant wait to get a new car and sell my piece of shit to some dumb blond 16 year old girl. Anyway... I am at timmy's now, bored as fuck, and hungry too. and now, i have to go take the fucking bus home because my car is a piece of shit. that is it. i have nothing else to live for, i am putting on the sweat pants, i have nothing left to give to the world.
so the main reason i've decided i'm going to get a new car (i was just going to sell mine and be carless for awhile) is because there's this guy, Wes, in Eugene, and i have to drive to see him, but if i used my mom's car, i have to be home that day. if i get a car, i can spend the weekends there and GET IT ON. no actually probably not get it on, since i actually like this guy. which is annoying. why is it annoying you ask. because if you really like someone it creates all these boudaries and you are always second guessing yourself, and overanalyzing everything they do/dont do. this sucks...
oh yes, and a piece of advice to everyone: there is no getting it on at the library (especially for tim) |
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